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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23946046">Carrots and That</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fyre/pseuds/Fyre'>Fyre</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternative Perspective, Gneil's Anniversary GO Gift, when you live to regret your decision</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:23:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>714</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23946046</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fyre/pseuds/Fyre</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes a negative action can have a positive result.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>159</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Good Omens Lockdown fics</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Carrots and That</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>If you haven't watched Neil's <a href="https://youtu.be/quSXoj8Kob0">Good Omens anniversary present</a>, do so now or this will make no sense. Also, 'ware the swears :D</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="">
  <p>"What the fuck was that?" Mickey gasped, staggering under the weight of the boxes.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Sammy - who was keeping exactly two metres away from him - shook his head, his mouth opening and shutting without making a sound.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I mean what the <em>fuck</em> was that?" Mickey said again.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Easy job! Bookshop. Old books. Worth a fortune, some of them. They'd gone in the back, since it was all closed up. No one to pay attention. No one to notice.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>No one...</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>No one except apparently whatever the fuck that was!</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Ah!" It had beamed like sunlight and was all glowy and bright. "Humans!"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Mickey'd never admit to shitting himself. Definitely not. But when some bloody great glowy thing - oh Jesus Christ the <em>eyes</em>! THE FUCKING EYES! - called you "human", there were... things your body did without asking permission first.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Sammy definitely hadn't climbed up his back. Definitely not. Or panicked. "You know," the... whatever the fuck it was... said, "you really shouldn't be out and about just now. You could get sick."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Yeah," Mickey remembered gargling out. "Sick. Bad. Yeah."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Kind of hard to back out the open door with a 6'2 brick shithouse clinging to you like you're his mum.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"So you'll go home, then?" Was it smiling? It had been bloody hard to tell. "Jolly good! And make sure to stay in, won't you, there's a good chap?" It must've had hands because it clapped them. "We do keep an eye on these things."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Home." Mickey squeaked. Sammy was almost out the door. He was too. "Yeah. Home."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Oh!"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Mickey flinched, half-expecting flames and teeth and Christ knew what else.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Instead, the... thing had shoved a box in his hands. Then another. And another. Until he was tilting forward and staggering under the weight of them.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You can take these with you! I'm sure you can make sure they get to the right people."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Rocks? Curses? Amulets? Some... weird shit that glowy monsters kept in bookshops? He hadn't asked. Hadn't even looked. Just croaked and backed out the door with Sammy and the boxes. Could've dropped them when they fled, but...</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>But...</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>We do keep an eye on these things.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Christ on a cracker...</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>They got to the van in one piece and Sammy yanked the doors open, then pulled a bottle...</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Where the fuck did you get hand-sanitiser?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I DON'T KNOW!" Sammy wailed. "IT JUST SHOWED UP IN MY POCKET."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>Keep an eye on these things.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Shit biscuits.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Mickey set the boxes down cautiously, as if they might explode. Very carefully, he lifted the lid off the top one. It...</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Cake?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Mickey nodded, staring. he lifted the box to one side and opened the next. The sodding thing was packed with bread. Loaves and loaves of bread.  The next had biscuits. They smelled <em>amazing</em>. "What the fuck...?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"What do we do with that?" Sammy said, sounding a bit less shaky now they weren't showered with bees or locusts or <em>something</em>.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Dunno." Mickey sat down on the edge of the van, heart going like a duracell bunny.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Sammy fidgetted. "He said to get it to the right people," he said. "Like maybe people what need it?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Mickey nodded slowly. Yeah, that sounded right.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Keep an eye on these things.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Could drop some in to the Burkes," he said. "They must get through loads with all the kids. And old Mr. Patil. Don't think his family can get stuff for him."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"And Kasia down in flat sixteen," Sammy's expression brightened. "I think she'd like some cake."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Mickey grinned at him. "Any excuse to talk to her, eh?" He reached out to smack Sam on the arm, then hesitated. Two metres, wasn't it? He shuffled a bit further away on the van bed. "We should get a roll of poly bags from Tesco. Seal everything up safe."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Sammy nodded. "We'll be like Santa. With cake."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Mickey grinned crookedly. "Yeah."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Or like some weird glowy magic thing who gave them food for all their neighbours.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Normal blokes didn't get weird glowy magic things, but who said what was normal? The world definitely wasn't right now.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He got up. "And maybe we can pick up some bits and pieces for them as well. Just cake isn't going to help anyone."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Carrots and that?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Yeah, Sam. Carrots and that."</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
  <ul>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23948248">[Podfic] Carrots and That</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Literarion/pseuds/Literarion">Literarion</a>
    </li>
  </ul>
</div></div></div>
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